BEHINDWOODS CELEBRITY COLUMN

My first memory of attending an immediate family wedding was when I was 8 years old and all I could gather then was that people were all the time busy and the place noisy. After I grew up a bit, I was one of the many millions who watched films like ‘Hum Aapke Hain Kaun’, ‘Monsoon Wedding’ and ‘Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge’ that had weddings as a major portion in the film. Then came the more recent ‘Jab We Met’, ‘Tanu weds Manu’, ‘Band Baaja Baarat’ and our own ‘Pammal K Sambandam’ kind of films with weddings being an integral part of the plot. Thanks to the cable revolution, I also got a slice of the western style of weddings in movies like ‘My best friend’s Wedding’, ‘The Bridesmaid’ and ‘Made of Honor’ with equal doses of chaos and celebration. While such movies have been wholesome entertainers to the audience, the real-time action and excitement is when weddings happen in your immediate family and you’re very much a part of the organizing and entertaining side instead of being a mere invitee.

The excitement in the family starts right from the time the girl or guy (depending on which side you are) says ‘Yes’ to the marriage. Then the whole preparation to the wedding after the ‘muhurtham’ date gets fixed goes on a full swing with family members contributing in their own little way. Shopping is the most tedious exercise but fun to do as a group. In fact fixing the menu after three rounds of heavy discussion for all the functions pertaining to the marriage is more exciting than continuously having an elaborate spread meal after meal. My cousin got married recently and I was very much a part of the preparation to the wedding, which takes place after a zillion other pre-wedding functions as per our culture. It’s a long process really. While the ‘Mehendi’ function is more borrowed from the Northern cousins, there were a host of other ceremonies including ‘Mangali Pondugal’, ‘Viratham, ‘Nischayathaartham’, ‘Maapillai azhaippu’, Kaasi Yaatrai, ‘Oonjal’ before the ‘muhurtham’ and finally the reception. Each of the functions have their own significance as per Hindu sastras and it was rather interesting for me to keep questioning and seeking answers for the logic behind each ritual and rather irritating for the person who didn’t have answers to some of my intriguing queries.

We had assigned specific relatives from the bride’s side to welcome all the guests who came for the wedding. So whether you know them personally or not, the guests had to be welcomed with a warm smile and ‘vaango’ welcome. On the day of the wedding which was fixed at AVM Rajeswari Kalyana Mandapam on R.K Salai, these two people at the entrance welcomed the first guests for the day who arrived rather early but were thought to be guests from the boy’s side to help in the preparation or participation in the ‘kaasi yaatrai’ ceremony that happens much earlier prior to the ‘thaali’ tying ceremony. Since neither of them recognized each other, the guests just smiled at the entrance and got inside the mandapam without noticing the name board of the wedding couple outside only to realize much later that they’d come for the wrong wedding at a different location. Wisdom finally dawned on them and they left quietly with flushed faces and silly smiles.

This actually reminded me of a Punjabi wedding that I gate crashed into when I was in Delhi because my friends decided to show me a different style of wedding I’ve never attended. You can imagine a similar situation to a scene in ‘3 Idiots’ where Aamir and his friends gate crash into a wedding just for having a good meal. Except of course the reason here was not just the food but to make me experience a non-south Indian wedding. None of the guests recognized us but none of them questioned much either. The groom’s side thought we were from the bride’s side and vice versa. We quietly sat there, watched the ceremonies, had a good meal and left without being caught. The excitement that followed after exiting the marriage adventure was such a rush.

What makes such weddings and wedding-based movies so special and enjoyable? I guess this is one such occasion where we all loosen up, put our guards down and just enjoy with our friends and family without worrying about perceptions and notions. And when we watch movies, it transports us to a world we both relate to and wish for in our weddings. Deep down we are intrinsically rooted to our culture and traditions that however modern our thinking and way of life could be, we just don’t give up on our tradition that has been passed on for generations together. While marriage per se is a formal arrangement to make things legal and commit to one another, a galatta kalyaanam is not just when the girl weds the guy but when the child inside you weds the celebration called life.