VISITOR COLUMN

What you do before booking the tickets for a film :

Search for a gang. Confirm participation! Calculate the individual expense and message. Be excited!

What I do before booking tickets for a film:

Look for a silent, undisturbed part of the theater! See if it has the best possible sound effects in the hall! Double check, if there is a better theater screening the same film!

What you do while booking tickets:

Message and confirm the exact number of participants. Check on the total amount. Message the individual's share. Be excited on the experience!

What I do while booking tickets:

See if I can get a lone corner, if possible the box tickets! Confirm with my wife, if she is free that time! Start the pre- viewing homework!

What you do 2 hours before watching the film:

Gather the gang! Whatsapp about being in time! Crack jokes! Post the worst possible photos of your tickets if its the film of your favorite hero! Decide on the best pick up line, if your gang has your favorite girl... Show what enjoying in youth is all about!

What I do 2 hours before watching the film:

Gather all possible data about the film! See the production details and status. Research on the team. Scout less known information about the director's previous films to refresh, even if known! Google the lead protagonists... Know what they are upto! Check on IMDB, if the film has been given an entry!

What you do 1 hour before the film:

Keep chatting and flirting with a female member of your gang about the film , if you are a male. Complain about it, if you are forced to be a gang with differing tastes! Start getting ready for watching the film, if you are a female! Update in Facebook about your plan and tag friends! Cancel the tickets, if you get something better to do suddenly! If you are a part of a gang, tell them you are sick, and you will pay for your ticket and go on with your passionate work, if you had been somehow forced into this!

What I do 1 hour before the film:

Get a information sheet ready about the film- all of the credits, the technical crew, their previous works! Get a notepad and a pen-torch ready.. believe me! It works! Try to imagine what kind of experience it would be!

What you do on entering the hall:

Laugh about what it is all about. Complain about the non-functional AC! Grumble about the creaking seat! Poke fun on an unsuspecting member! Applaud for a seriously funny ad! Clap and cheer for the anti-smoking commercial!

What I do on entering the hall:

Discuss the film's credentials and production values with my wife! Make sure the Ipad and the pen-torch works! Try to change the seats, if there are over-enthusiastic teenagers around! Get in mood! Keep a Redbull in hand, in case its a night show!

What you do while watching the movie:

Have fun! Cry...chuckle.. laugh! Crack some raunchy witty jokes.. Put 'oohs' and 'aahs'.. Give a 'Oh' to your favourite female lead! Yell and whistle at the top of your voice-box's ability, when the name of your favorite star appears on screen! Propose in the noise, to a member of the gang, if given a chance! Hold hands with your loved one, if its your only private time around. Let him/her rest on your shoulder. Tell your neighbor "the heroine is pretty!". Try to keep the infant from crying and the young one from yelling, if you are young parents! Kiss in the dark, if its the third date with your lover! And at least try, if its your first date!

What I do while watching the movie:

Sit there, pondering, like its a prayer hall! Meditate! Note down disclaimers and credits! Try to keep scenes and points in mind! Enjoy ,as well as analyse! Let as much as words, pertinent to the movie flow in your thoughts! Note in my Ipad, if its just a boring song going on. Shine a torch and scribble words, lines or relevant views in my note pad, if the film s so good, that I cant afford to switch on my Ipad! Get an overall image... Form an opinion! Scorn at people who laugh and pass comments! Sacrifice my joyous viewing experience as a 'what the heck', irresponsible member of the audience!

What you do in the interval:

Gossip! Eat samosa and popcorn! Catch an attractive guy/girl staring at you, if you are lucky!

What I do in the interval:

Consolidate my views and points about the movie, pre-interval! Try to loosen the plot -knots! Discuss with my wife about what went right, and what went wrong! Write the summary of the first half in my Ipad.. Think on possible twists and turns, guess the lamest of deceptions and the most probable finale!

What You do at the end of the movie:

Walk out in haste! Think of dinner and getting the vehicle out! Scorn at the movie to the best of your ability, if it didn't interest you! And give it your best possible approval and admiration, if it manages to impress your sensibilities, or that of your crush/gang/family!

What I do at the end of the movie:

Sit and watch out for the end-credits! Try to solve loose ends and contemplate the maker's possible intentions! Scream at people who stand and leave before the movie is over! Decide on final words, comprehensive summary-lines and what I feel about the movie! Ask doubts to my wife, if any! Try to catch the views of my neighbor, if he is thinking aloud. Argue with my wife, on what could be better, and what went wrong!

What you do after the movie:

Feel frustrated, angry. contented, happy or proud, according to the movie! Post in Fb or twitter on whether its worth seeing the movie or not, objectively!

What I do after the movie:

The initial homework takes about an hour. Expanding the hints I had taken, and explaining my point of view in words takes about the same time, it takes to view the film, that is, another two and half hours! Adding elements to entertain the audience and nuances which instigate sufficient interest takes again roughly the same amount of time. So, the first draft of the review gets ready in about thrice the time, you take for watching a movie. Correcting it, analyzing the wrongs I had pointed out and making it sound professional and pleasant takes about another hour. Getting the third draft ready, correcting all the grammatical and phonetic errors takes another hour. So, it takes about 4 times the time, it takes to watch a film, to come out with a review column of some considerable repute! In other words., two and a half hours to watch a movie and roughly about 10 hours to get the final draft ready!

What you do on seeing my review:

What nonsense! Too much of words.. why do i care.. Dei Mani, why are you blabbering so much? Wortha illaiya? Should i watch or not? Paaklaama vandaama? Successa flopa? Mattera illaiya? 

What I do on seeing my review:

Smile!

How you react when my review coincides with public opinion:

I caught up on that awesome film because of you dude! I owe u a lot! Thank God I skipped that film because of you... You saved my three hours, thank u so much!

How you react when my review doesn't coincide with pubic opinion:

Man, I admire you... but try to make your reviews more audience-friendly! Dont force your own likes and dislikes into your write-up. Write for the common man- not for the film connoisseur or the urbane kid!

How I react to the coincidence of my review to public opinion:

Really? Tell me more 

What you feel on seeing my review:

Emotions ranging from frustration, ignorance, disbelief, envy, irritation, pleasure, joy, delight, misery, and stoicism!

What I feel on seeing my review:

Lots of happiness... And loads and loads of pride!